Do You Want To Know a Secret?

My Secret:

I have no clue what I am passionate about. Is that weird? Is it unusual? I have no clue about that either. Please don’t tell anyone. Let’s keep it a secret.

What part of secret didn’t you understand?

If I had to come up with something that I felt passionate about it would be having the time and energy to do whatever I want to do.

Time and energy to do what?

Whatever I want to do.

You see when I was a kid, I started working to earn money to buy stuff. I think I was like 11 when I started baby sitting the 2 kids next door. My sister and I would both babysit and split the $10 a week we earned. When we started working at the 1 local restaurant near our house washing dishes, we thought we had made it to the big time. I wasn’t the only high school kid to skip the football games and the school dance because I wanted to earn money but it felt that way.

I can’t go to the game… I have to work.

I worked my way through college in the admissions office, washing dishes and as a line cook at a ski resort.  After I graduated I moved to Boston and worked as a secretary, at temporary jobs and then as a human service worker.

Then I worked my way through graduate school. I would study, go to class, study, go to work and study some more.

After graduate school, I worked as an Occupational Therapist, as a director in a human service agency and then as an Occupational Therapist again. I have never been afraid of hard work.

A 4 letter word

Now I am 50 and to be honest – I don’t want to work anymore. To be more precise I want to have the time and energy to do whatever I want to do. If that pays money all the better.

Maybe I got too serious about work at too young an age. Maybe I don’t love what I do. Maybe I am just having  a mid-life crisis.

Or, maybe it is winter in Upstate, NY and I just miss life at the lake. I miss kayaking, hiking, and biking. I miss lounging in the sun. I really need to develop some indoor hobbies or take up some winter sports.

I miss doing this

For years, I craved more time and energy. I now have increased amounts of both which is a really good thing. Now I have to figure out what I want to do with it. I think that is why I have been reading personal development blogs and doing the exercises. I have been gearing up for a new challenge, a new opportunity. I am going to be ready when it comes knocking. If it doesn’t come knocking I guess I will have to go create it for myself.

In the meantime, I use this new-found time and energy to pursue my health, my wealth and my happiness. I write weekly posts to this blog to share my journey with anyone who is interested (or anyone who happens to stumble across it, looking for a website where they can buy a little blue kayak)!

What do you crave?

Lake Girl

Which one to choose?