I work in the world of rehabilitation as an Occupational Therapist. I have worked in this field for ten years in several different nursing homes. I have seen staff, co-workers, and residents come and go. I can usually remember the faces but the names escape me. There is a weird dynamic in most nursing homes between therapy and nursing. We are working with the same patients but we come from different worlds. We use different terminology to describe the same thing. You would think by now we would have figured this out.
Nursing uses words like limited assist, extensive assist and total assist to describe how much help a resident needs to transfer, bathe, toilet and dress. Therapy uses words like minimum assist, moderate assist and maximum assist to describe the exact same thing. Nursing staff strive to make sure each person is safe, clean and dressed. The therapist is working towards having the same person be as independent as possible; prepared to return to their prior level of function.
On the internet, there are silly videos that describe this weird dynamic pitting these 2 disciplines against each other. Each discipline is using their terminology to describe the help the patient needs but neither is actually listening to the other. It is like the other party says or does something that triggers you to respond in a certain way and then the conversation takes on a mind of its own. A simple request to have someone be ready for a 9:00am therapy session becomes an argument over who is supposed to help them get out of bed and what time their IV’s get hooked up. I try really hard to not fall prey to this negative stinking thinking. It is not helpful and doesn’t provide good quality care.
This inability to listen to and understand others can happen in any area of our lives. It can happen at work, at home, it can happen with friends and family. It can happen with total strangers. The inability to communicate effectively leads to all sorts of issues including anger, sadness, and hostility. The dynamic between two people can take on a mind of its own and the feelings that it generates stays in place even when the other person is no where around us.
If you have this type of relationship with someone, maybe it is time to change the dynamic between the two of you. This has to be a better option than avoiding them at all cost or having every interaction feel like a knock down, drag out boxing match. Changing the dynamic sounds hard but with a bit of advance planning, it can be easy.
This planning involves deciding in advance how to respond when the other party says or does whatever it is they say or do that triggers you to respond in the usual manner. Or conversely, thinking about what you say or do that triggers them to respond in their usual manner. Spend some time thinking about how you will engage the person differently, what you will say, what expression will be on your face. Practice having this new conversation over and over until it doesn’t feel unnatural! Then try it out for real. What do you have to lose?
Changing the dynamic can open the door to a whole new way of interacting with the person. One that doesn’t involve hurt feelings, anger or stress. I have written about some ways to do this before in these posts.
Blah, Blah, Blah talks about the importance of active listening versus fake listening.
In Is Your Bucket Overflowing? I discuss how we can give to others overall well-being or take from others with simple words and deeds.
In Improve Key Relationships I wrote about how this fits into the overall health puzzle.
What about you? Do you have a relationship that would benefit from your changing the dynamic? What steps will you take to make it better?
Lake Girl
