Courage in the Kayak

Do you operate in fear mode most of the time? Do you tend to get comfortable in your little blue kayak and worry that if you make a change, any change that you will rock the boat and get tossed into the angry ocean like a rag doll?

Being comfortable in your kayak is fine if all you want is comfort. I think as a species we are way more complicated than that. I believe we grow more when we embracing change AND choosing joy. Change is messy, it is hardt it and it gets us out of the comfort zone and off of the couch. That is how we grow, how we improve and how we become better human beings.

Embrace change. Choose joy. Embrace change. Choose joy.

These are 2 phrases I have been reciting to myself as I walk the frozen landscape of Upstate N.Y. as well as the quiet palm tree lined streets of sunny Florida. I quietly say them out loud or in my head. I repeat them, over and over again, as I challenge myself to get my 10,000 steps every day.

I listened to interviews by Brene Brown and with her for about seven hours in the car this week as I drove to Florida to hang out with Mother Fran. She is an author of several books on courage, fear, vulnerability, and shame. She is also a professor, researcher, and speaker on these topics. She and her team work with business leaders to help them change the culture of their workplace to be able to have these difficult conversations, to allow for better communication.

I think most of us are extremely uncomfortable being vulnerable and that keeps us sitting quietly in the kayak. Comfortable but not necessarily happy. Listening to her talk is like free therapy! Go check out her TedTalk which is hugely popular.

When courage requires vulnerability we either fall apart and resort to complete inaction or use our defensiveness, and anger to power through with devastating consequences. I am afraid to rock the boat, afraid to voice my needs and terrified to speak my mind. I never seem to have the words to express myself in such a way as to be understood without hurting or confusing others.

I often tell myself that I am not a good communicator but I must call BS on myself. Communication is a skill and one that is teachable and learnable. I am a reasonably smaaart gal (I write that with a Boston accent) and if I apply myself I can improve my communication skills. When the stakes are high I hunker down in my armored gear and go into avoidance mode. This is definetely not a good strategy for someon trying to best vers a better version of themselves.

When does courage require vulnerability? Probably always…

Think about the first time you told your honey that you loved him. That takes courage and to say it first requires vulnerability. How about raising your hand in class when you aren’t absolutely positive you know the correct answer?

What about being a whistle blower at a large tech company that has done wrong? A spouse telling his honey he has been unfaithful? Going to your first AA meeting? Quitting your job? Changing careers? Going back to school in your 50’s?

You get the idea? Courage isn’t just about facing a lion and standing your ground. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, courage is the

“mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty”

Merriam-Webster

Imagine if 10% of us had the ability to communicate tactfully, artfully, and without blame, shame and anger. That would be a game changer in todays’ divided world. Difficult conversations regarding politics, religion, race would become easier for all. I plan on reading some of Brene Brown’s books in 2021 and improving my commincation with my honey, my family, my customers and my community.

Earlier posts on similar topics include Kick Fear Out of the Way, Blah, Blah, Blah, and Instructions for Life.

If you haven’t checked out Brene Brown, I encourage you to do so. She manages to give us words to express ourselves more honestly, openly and to let go of the armor that we wrap ourselves up in for protection (even from ourselves). Better, safer, more honest communication in our homes, our schools, our government, and our workplace leads to a better world. I think that is a wonderful idea!

Embrace change, choose joy…

Lake Girl