Word of the Day is SHENPA

Living our lives day in and day out can be a series of moments that are joyful, tearful, boring, exhilarating and downright funny. Personally, I choose happiness so I try to set up my environment for joy. So much of what happens to us is outside of our control. We can’t control how other people treat us or speak to us. We can control how we speak to others and treat them. We can’t control natural disasters or the weather but we can control our reaction these events. I certainly don’t melt when the weather refuses to comply with my requests for blue sky and sunshine! Do You?

I learned a word recently that I had never heard of before. A word that has helped me with this concept of a neutral response to a misspoken word or deed. The word is SHENPA and it has opened my eyes to how my reaction to others either fuels a fire or extinguishes it. The only fires I want in my life involve me sitting next to it warming my feet or toasting marshmallows for smores with friends and family.

I learned the word SHENPA while reading a book by Pema Chodron. Shenpa is a Tibetan word and is hard to describe. She describes it as getting hooked and how we get stuck. She says it is the feeling you get when someone says a mean word to you or criticizes you. That familiar tightening of our chest that occurs and that leads to anger, low self esteem and engaging in our addictive behaviors. In this video, she explains it really well!

As soon as I learned the word and heard Pema Chodron describe what it meant, I recognized it. I knew the feeling, I understood my personal relationship with the word. It was one of those AHA moments of self discovery that push you into a deeper understanding of yourself and your interaction with others. I can’t believe I had never heard this amazing word before. Have you? Let me know in the comment section.

Now when the feeling arises, when I get the sensation that I am removing myself from a conversation or an interaction, I see it happening. This allows me to not respond in the manner that I have responded my whole life. It allows me to stay engaged in the conversation without spiraling into anger, hurt or an emotional noodle. Now when I experience this feeling, I catch myself, I smile, I whisper SHENPA and I try to simply let it go.

So today – I leave you to ponder the word SHENPA. I leave you to increase your understanding of what “hooks” you and touches the sore place inside of you leading you to get stuck in familiar and unhelpful patterns.

Everyone of us is unique and what might cause your to experience SHENPA might not bother me in the least. Playing detective to figure out which words and criticisms “hook” you and propel you to withdraw, to engage in your addictions and to spiral into anger and low self esteem is empowering. It is a good step toward increased awareness and improved self knowledge. It can help us grow as individuals and to improve our relationships with others.

Happiness is a choice my friends! Choose wisely!